Collicky baby....collicky mommy

"I get really upset seeing my friends who are mums crying because they feel like they're not good enough. Clever, confident, kind young women all going, 'I'm ruining my child's life."

There are a lot of scary things that can happen to a woman in the delivery of a baby that they don't tell you about.... Luke came out of me like a tornado.... and his aftermath was horrible!!! 6 months of pure agony, pain, suffering, not being able to sit down, incontinence, and doctors that don't seem to care. Lots of freaky stuff happened as well... apparently breast feeding was a no no for me and I had to stop after 3 months or I would have permanent damage and my body would never heal. I don't know if it is was because I had EM or not, but my wound would not heal and breast feeding didn't help!!! So here I was, in extreme pain, wearing "diapers", not being able to sit down, and to boot... HAD AN EXTREMELY COLLICKY BABY. Luke cried practically 24/7..... I felt like the worst mom in the world. I tried EVERYTHING THEY SAID TO DO FOR COLLICKY BABIES...BUT HE JUST SCREAMED AND SCREAMED. Maybe he picked up on me being in pain.???? but I was screaming on the inside. I felt so alone!!!! WHy couldn't I just have a normal delivery?? Why am I still having problems????? Doctors wouldn't help me... THEY REFERRED ME TO A PSYCHOLOGIST AGAIN.... WHICH I HATE!!! Just like when I first got diagnosed with EM.... IM IN PAIN PEOPLE...WHY DO I NEED A SHRINK???

I needed help with Luke but had no one to help me... had a fear of taking him to a support group because all the other babies would sleep and be fine...but Luke would scream. I was trapped! the weather was horrible, and we both were trapped....AND COLLICKY. I cried all the time as well... felt horrible that I couldn't do everything a mother was supposed to do, horrible that I couldn't help Luke.... couldn't get any sleep... was I a horrible mother????

I read the "happiest baby on the block " book about collicky babies and it helped explain a lot!!! Poor little Luke too smart and too sensitive for his own good and so they cry. Once we got the jumperoo and he could jump for hours and burn off some energy...he was fine! Now he laughs and plays and rolls and giggles.... Turns out he was just like mommy and needs to exercise!!! He is going to be a super athlete!!!!!

Post partum depression.... yes I had it! but whether it was only because I was in extreme pain with no apparent help or hope for the future??? I never had any thoughts of hurting luke or any thoughts about not trying to help him.... but I did want to die. Went through all the stages of grief and misery like before. Just wanted out! and I had no one to talk to ...no one going through anything similar to what I was going through.... ONCE AGAIN... FREAK OF NATURE.

Finally found a PT therapist who does miracles for women with babies...and she explained what happened and why i was in so much pain... Luke tore through all my organs and girly parts and nerves down there and takes FOREVER TO HEAL. IF you think about how many nerve endings are there.... NO WONDER. Anyhoo, finally found a doctor ready to help. She is a UROGYN and does surgeries. So 6 months after LUKE I FINALLY HAD SURGERY TO REPAIR damage and it worked!!! FINALLY I have hope again... got cleared to run, swim, bike... resume normal life!!! IT seemed like forever ago since I could do the things I wanted to do. No longer trapped inside with a screaming infant. Started taking Luke for long walks....then small runs... and he finally stopped being as collicky as wel!!

so if you happen to have a nightmare delivery like mine and a tornado aftermath... don't stop searching until you get help! There are lots of doctors to ignore you, and not treat you, but hopefully there will be 1 that will!!! I know I will get crap for posting this... but felt like people should know that labor is not always a wonderful thing and there are possible life long side effects... I guess the "mind erasing" drug that makes mothers want to have more kids never worked on me. I will never forget this!! But, having my surgery requires me to have a C section if i ever get pregnant again... so who knows?

but if you have a collicky baby... read that book!!! at least it makes you feel like you are not alone and YOU ARE NOT A HORRIBLE MOTHER. You just have an interesting baby that is passionate and trust me...they will turn out to be a super happy baby ....and NEVER BORING. Luke never just stared at his hands... never sat there and stared into space...he was too busy punching, kicking, and trying to do things. Kind of like me!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So time to spit out my pacifier and get back into life!